For some reason, I am usually more cranky that usual on Sunday mornings. I think it’s partly from disappointment about Saturday and partly from sleep deprivation. This morning it was definitely both. My hubby had the nerve to bring me a slice of chocolate coffee cheesecake from the new Hillsborough Weaver Street Market. (He thinks he’s fat, I’m trying to shed pounds, what’s with that??) Wine, chicken and salad were nice touches, too!
Thanks to the cheese cake and? taking my Adderall somewhat later than usual, I wasn’t sleepy. We stayed up watching
some
Olympic final – 
they’ve all
blurred
together, all I know is US won again
… When Hubby and I gave up and dragged ourselves to bed around 11, Wonderboy was still eagerly awaiting the men’s basketball final – that he thought would start at 11:30 – Wrong!!
Since Hubby pretty much rolled over and started to snore, and I was still wide awake, I decided to attack the hank of yarn I’ve been winding on and off for about 2 weeks. I really enjoy the process of taking a big hank of yarn (which was now quite tangled due to Wonderboy’s attempts) and gently teasing out the tangles, wrapping the yarn in a ball. I even wrote a poem about it this morning (post-conflict, I might add!)
Yarn
Just because I want yarn to be untangled does not make it untangled.
Untangling yarn is a slow gentle process. If you go too fast or pull too hard, the knots will get tighter.
A knot of yarn requires all your attention. Without care & watchfulness, yarn will become more tangled, not less.
Sometimes a knot cannot be untangled. Is it better to cut the knot out and join 2 untangled ends, or ignore it, keep rolling the yarn, making the knot part of the ball?
Yarn does not go away. It stays in a tangle until you do something with it.
Yarn doesn’t care if you get frustrated when untangling the knots. Therefore, what is the purpose of remaining frustrated?
Wonder in the myriad textures and colors of yarn. Just because it is tangled does not make it less beautiful.
Nice quiet meditative sort of activity I thought would make me sleepy. Wrong too!
About 2:45, I wandered downstairs, where Wonderboy was avidly glued to the TV. The men’s BB 
finals hadn’t started until 2:30; they were being broadcast live. I got a bowl of cereal and sat down to watch for a while. By mid-2nd quarter, I figured that the US was going to win, and went on upstairs. Even though I was sleepy, it still awhile before I fell asleep. So when the alarm went off at 8:30, I wasn’t a happy camper!
I had also been disappointed about Saturday. The boys had their usual cartoon fest, and I was upstairs cleaning my side of the bedroom. What about that? They then left for their usual game afternoon – without telling me. I worked for 4 hours – I was sweating like a pig and smelled like a moose! Finally I figured it was time to stop, and get water, lunch and some AC… (upstairs one isn’t working well) I was exhausted. Dad went to Subway and got sandwiches around 2:30. Sitting on the couch felt really really good! I fired up my computer to read my email and then go to OLA and stick my nose into other people’s business…
The On-line NY Times had a couple of interesting articles, and I ended up at Ira Steiner’s AuctionBytes Blog. Her Friday article was about something I felt was a good opportunity to promote OnlineAuction in the comments. This is what I wrote:
OnlineAuction.com already has an auction format, and welcomes any antique sellers, large or small, to join! OLA has signed a partnership agreement with Live Auctions, and will be the new platform for much of their business. Many dealers already use OLA as their auction platform, and use their own sites for fixed price sales. And they can link directly to their site through OLA!!!
OLA continues to be foresighted in developing new network partners. They recognize the new face of ecommerce is interdependency not exclusivity.
Joining and selling on OLA doesn’t require an exclusive relationship; they encourage linking to seller’s other sites including eCrater, etsy, and their own websites.
OLA wants to offer an option; currently they are the main non-*bay major site to offer auctions as well as fixed price listings.
Please come over and take a look. OLA isn’t for everyone; no site is. We hope we can be a good fit for the antiques community seeking refuge from the “new improved” *bay.
**Addendum: I’m no longer selling on OLA. To see the wonderful Yarns & vintage magazines please visit my Bonanzle stores: Dragonmum’s Fabrics Fibers and Fun & Dragonmum’s Vintage Valuables. For my clothes and accessories, see Dragonmum’s Wears!
I hope it made an impression on someone.
But I digress, as usual. Hubby played all day. I worked until I couldn’t work anymore. He’s always bitching and moaning about how messy the house is, how much work there is to be done, how fat he is (watching Olympic swimmers
didn’t help…), the taxes need to be done….ad infinitum. Did he do anything about it?
What do you think? And I wonder if he thought I’d spent all day on the couch doing “nothing”? When we went up to bed, I realized I still had things on the bed from starting to clean up. He took a look at the bed and said “Well I guess I’ll be heading back down stairs.” Offer to help? I told him he didn’t have to go downstairs, it was his bed and he had a right to get in bed when he wanted (liar liar pants on fire!), I’d get everything off – I start getting stuff off the bed quickly but in an organized manner. What does he do? Go downstairs. Like a co-dependent freak, I called him back upstairs -”look, I’m almost finished” Damn. If only I’d said “I can get this off of here quickly; will you help me?” Too exhausted to think I was. Hmmm…. Maybe that was why I wasn’t sleep!
So, up I get today. Go downstairs. He’s standing in front of the TV like a zombie. He was watching “Cow Mutilation” (you know UFOs and all). It was going off. I asked, “Can we turn the TV off now?” Usual answer …”I want to see what comes on…” Didn’t like what was on next, so started flipping channels” Me “Why don’t we just turn it off?” Him – in a huff – “fine!” Turns TV off and stalks out to the front room. Proceeds to turn the TV on in there.
Doofus (me) followed him and explained that I wanted the TV off so we could sit down and have some time together over breakfast. Huffy he was.
We proceeded to have a “conversation”
which ended up in him telling me he thought it was a “power struggle”; I’m trying to control him when I ask that the TV be turned off…. He wants one thing, I ask for something else and it’s a power struggle? When I want something and he wants something else, he does exactly what he wants.
I don’t have that choice if I want to socialize with the family I have to put up with endless battering from the TV. Noises, Pictures, Violence (even the sounds are extremely disturbing). Unless he wants to do something else (like go out and play with Wonderboy, who he will also blow off to watch TV), he has TV going constantly. If I turn it off when he goes outside, he turns it right back on when he comes in.
Yarn. Our relationship is like very very tangled yarn. We don’t seem to be able to see beyond the knots to the beauty. We both need to have the tenderness and care to gently untangle it. It doesn’t matter how the knots got there. They are there. They aren’t going away unless we do something about them. Even if one of us is slowly untangling, if the other one is careless or impatient, the knots grow worse. We could pick which knots to untangle and which to cut out and rejoin our relationship. Trying to pretend there are no knots deforms our relationship, like a lop-sided ball of yarn. Frustration comes and goes. The yarn is still there. Waiting.
People are letting her lay on the couch and waiting on her. Ain’t so. Especially that being taken care of part. 
So I have to balance what I have to do for myself with what I can without hurting myself.
surgeons muck around in your guts is a rather traumatic experience. I finally realized why I’ve just not cognitively getting 
just how traumatic it was.
but well-worth-it recovery) is the nerves are all cut too, so there’s no sensation in the skin layers of my abdomen.
Pain can be our friend. It lets us know when we are doing something that might damage our body. It lets us know when we’re doing too much. It’s our early warning system. Get the picture?
time to stop now”. Plus my ADHD meds give me more energy, so when the crash comes, it really comes. Then I’m totally exhausted 
& the place where they actually cut into my abdominal cavity is having something to say about my over-activity. 
(hard heads?), I’ve figured out about how much activity I can handle. I made it worse by initially not realizing what I was doing. Took me awhile to figure out that even sitting in my office chair for 3 hours isn’t such a good thing. 
Somehow the way I move around really irritates my belly. The result? Lots of time on the couch. Sleeping late. 
Not taking my stimulants so I’m not tempted to keep going even further beyond my capacity.
I’m interested in things. I’ve started to read again. I want to do projects. This is amazing!!
Maybe all this laying around will help heal more than just my belly. It maybe just the thing my knotted and sore muscles need to reset themselves. That would be tremendous. I haven’t been myself, or what I think of as “myself” for a long time. It also has confirmed to me the wisdom of closing my practice. There is so much more I can do to nurture myself & my family without the constant need to nurture patients too. 
She had felt compelled to come see me; she didn’t know about my very recent problems, but just had that 6th sense something wasn’t right. She is an incredibly centered mindful person & has offered to be my wellness coach. To help me get my life into a very healthy place physically, mentally & spiritually.
